Christmas is fast approaching and most of us are counting down with excitement. The fact that Christmas music has been blaring everywhere since Thanksgiving has probably worn out on most of us (though not all.) This 30 or so days of endless Christmas music has lead to pretty much everyone trying to cash in on having their own Christmas albums.

The sad fact is that many MANY of these are atrocious. I do enjoy a creative and well executed cover of Christmas songs, or clever new songs. A strong majority are just terrible, and we’ve compiled this list of what we believe are the worst offenders.

David Hasselhoff Christmas

I know I’m going to catch some flack from fans of the Hasselfhoff. In truth much of what this man does is great because he doesn’t take himself too seriously. This album however is just uninteresting, and pretty difficult to listen to all the way. It’s not even that he has a particularly terrible singing voice, it’s more … everything else. Like this version of “Deck the Halls”

Christmas With Kazoos

So initially it sounds comical and whimsical. It’s true, for the first minute or so it’s just fun. The novelty wears off real quick. The banjo does add a little something but it really becomes burdensome after three or four minutes. Good luck making it through the entire album.

Christmas With Colonel Sanders

The songs themselves are not actually terrible. The cover of “Jingle Bell Rock” by Chet Atkins is actually quite good and many of the others are toe tapping covers of classics. The real problem I have with this album is that it’s Colonel Sanders. Seriously it’s one of the stranger entities to try and cash in on Christmas. Thanks, KFC. Perhaps I’ll look forward to the Taco Bell Cinco de Mayo album?

Tijuana Christmas

This album doesn’t actually offend me as much as some of the others. But I will say I felt a little misled. I wanted my Tijuana Christmas to have some more Mexico vibe. Instead it just sounds like a 70’s cover with the beach style guitar and some trumpet.

Hung For The Holidays

So something has to be said for the sheer fact that William Hung made being terrible such an art form. To be so bad, it cycled back to good (and by good I just mean entertaining) it is impressive. So here to you…

Christmas Time Again by Lynyrd Skynyrd

I am a big fan of Lynyrd Skynyrd. So it just hurts my soul to see this band reduced to creating a Christmas Album. That said they did at least try and make mostly original music. But you can’t help but think, “were you guys that desperate for the record sales?”

Christmas on Death Row

I literally am struggling to come up with words to describe this album… gangsta-rap Christmas music. What is incredible to me is that artists like Snoop Dogg and Nate Dog were involved in a few of these songs. The album is at least a little amusing to look over the album, the artists involved, and the names of the songs they created. Heck, even listening to a minute or two gives some perspective, but I don’t think gangsta-rap and Christmas mix very well.

Roseanne Barr Sings Christmas Classics

I couldn’t even find videos to share on here for you all to “enjoy.” But if you remember what happened when she sang the Star spangled banner, I think you can imagine what O Holy Night might sound like. It looks like the rest of the world might agree because I couldn’t even find the CD on Amazon.

Ho Ho Ho by Ru Paul

Yup. Everyone tries to get in on Christmas. It. Freaking. Hurts. I can’t even write more about this. It’s the strangest mix of country, pop, and Christmas.

Jethro Tull Christmas Album

A technically impressive album in terms of skills, but this album just does not seek to inspire Christmas cheer. I’d rather just listen to a regular Jethro Tull album.

 

Happy Christmas by Jessica Simpson

I’m not sure who told Jessica Simpson that she could sing. But that person lied to her. And we are paying the price. The original songs are incredibly generic tones from Garage band. While the covers of the classic Christmas songs are simply disappointing. For example, the cover O Come O Come Emmanuel, I swear I thought there was an air raid horn starting the song.

 

This Christmas with John Travolta & Olivia Newton-John

I think the best illustration of the mess that is this album is their cover of “Baby It’s Cold Outside” where the roles are reversed and John Travolta is singing the part of the one trying to leave while Olivia Newton-John is trying to seduce him. It’s honestly creepy.

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